i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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