Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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