I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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