M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
