if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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