I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My cat gives me a boner
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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