A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
