It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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