my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
40s are totally the cure
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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