the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
