I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
