I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
