Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His nipple licking is glorious
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