how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
