i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
