So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
