He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
