what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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