Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
