Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
