I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
