i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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