you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
