it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
