there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
