I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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