The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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