he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
