So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize