Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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