LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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