We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
