I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
