...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
