we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
