I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
