Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't make out with my wife yet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
