Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
