Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
