am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
