when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
