This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
