What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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