So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
