i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize