if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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