you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
