hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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