fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
