New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize