So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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