God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do vagina's smell?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
