You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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