my room smells like sperm. sweet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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