Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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