Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize