DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
