wanna go halves on a baby?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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