I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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