ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
