I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I believe in your delicious
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
