He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
