I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize