your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
