My first STD was from a foam party
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
