dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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