I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
