she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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